My husband and I are intentional parents. That’s not me saying we’re perfect — far from it — but we are purposeful. In a world that feels increasingly unhinged, we work hard every single day to raise humans who are kind, respectful, and genuinely good. Kids who say please and thank you. Kids who find value in people who are different from them — different backgrounds, different opinions, different everything. Kids who use their words and not their hands.
Speaking of hands — my kids are going to be enormous.
Their dad is 6’4”. These boys are going to literally overshadow people. Which means we are very, very deliberate about making sure they understand that size is not a weapon, that strength is for protecting and never for intimidating, and that with great physical presence comes great responsibility. We want them to use their powers for good. That’s the goal.
And look — every parent of small children knows the hitting, biting, and pushing phase is coming. It doesn’t matter how many values you instill, how many times you practice gentle hands, how many books you read about feelings. They go through it. It’s developmental. It’s normal. What matters is how you respond to it, and I think we’ve handled it pretty well.
What I am not handling well is watching another kid put their hands on mine.
My son got pushed on the playground the other day. By a kid who was easily two years older than him — which, to be fair, is a common mistake because my kids already run large and everyone assumes they’re older than they are. But this kid pushed him. Unprovoked. Just decided that was a choice he was going to make.
And I have never wanted to throat punch a child more in my entire life.
I’m not proud of that. I’m sharing it because it’s the truth and because I know every single parent reading this has felt the exact same way and is either nodding right now or pretending they’re not nodding. There is nothing — nothing — that flips the switch from rational adult to feral mama bear faster than watching someone treat your child worse than they deserve.
All of that emotional regulation we preach. All of that let them work through it, let them feel their feelings, let them navigate conflict — gone. Completely gone. Replaced by a very primal, very specific thought that goes something like who does this kid think he is.
And I know. I know the answer is he’s a child who is also learning. I know the answer is social conflict is how kids develop resilience. I know I don’t want to swoop in and solve every hard moment because then I raise a kid who can’t handle adversity and becomes a doormat. I know all of this.
I still wanted to throat punch him.
The balance is real and it is hard. You want to let them work through it. You want them to learn to advocate for themselves. You want them to understand that not everyone is going to treat them well and that’s a life skill they need to develop. But you also don’t want them to learn that being pushed around is just something you accept. That’s a different lesson. That one’s dangerous too.
So you breathe. You watch. You step in when you need to and you let them figure it out when you don’t. And you remind yourself that mama bear energy, while completely valid, is best expressed in the car on the way home and not on the playground.
But I see you, other parents. I see every single one of you who has ever watched someone mistreat your child and had to physically hold yourself together. You are not alone. The throat punch impulse is real and it means you love your kid.
Channel it into advocacy. Channel it into teaching them their worth. Channel it into raising kids who never make another parent feel that way.
And breathe.
Has your mama bear — or daddy bear — ever come out in full force on a playground? How do you find the balance between letting them figure it out and stepping in? Drop it in the comments.
Mud & Mayhem 
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