Mud & Mayhem

We have officially entered it. The phase. You know the one. Every toddler parent has lived it and survives it and somehow comes out the other side with their sanity mostly intact.

My two year old now treats every no as the opening bid in a negotiation he fully intends to win.

You know those memes where the cat stares directly into the camera, slowly pushes the mug toward the edge of the table, and shoves it off anyway after you’ve already said no? That is my daily life right now. In real time. With a toddler instead of a cat, although the deadpan eye contact is identical.

Case in point from today.

We were outside playing and I love letting my boys get filthy. Genuinely. Go get dirty, dig in the mud, have the time of your life. The one rule is simple — we respect each other, which means we don’t throw dirt at people.

My two year old threw dirt at his four year old brother.

I got down to his level and walked through it. Hey buddy, we don’t throw dirt. Where can we throw dirt? Can we throw it in the woods? Yes. Can we throw it on the ground? Yes. Can we throw it at people? No.

He looked me dead in the eyes, picked up another handful of dirt, and threw it directly at me.

That was the line. We went inside. Full toddler meltdown, complete with the works — tears, screaming, the whole production. I sat him down with Dad and went back outside to check on my four year old.

He was sobbing.

Not because he got hit with dirt. Not because anything actually hurt. He was hysterical because his best friend and brother wasn’t outside playing with him anymore.

This is simultaneously the most heartwarming and most complicated part of having two kids who genuinely adore each other. My four year old was devastated that the same brother who had just thrown dirt at him wasn’t there to keep playing. He missed him immediately and completely, dirt incident be damned.

So I had a second conversation. Buddy, I know you miss him. He needed a minute because we don’t throw dirt, and he needs to learn that. We’ll try again soon.

It is wild to watch a kid hold both of those truths at once — that wasn’t kind, and also I love him so much I want him back here right now.

About thirty minutes later my husband brought our youngest back outside for round two. And it’s going pretty well.

Update: they found a worm. They are now digging holes together looking for the rest of its family, completely unified in purpose, dirt incident apparently forgotten by everyone except me.

Wish us luck. We’re going to need it for round three tomorrow.

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Anyone else deep in the boundary testing phase right now? Tell me your toddler’s favorite negotiation tactic — I need to know I’m not alone.